Everything I would have said at a party this year but didn’t
Parties are my happy place. Any mid sized gathering filled with booze and people I don’t know is heaven, to me. I love getting dressed up, making friends and small talk, and drinking half a bottle of a strangers wine. House parties, birthday parties, weddings, work dos, casual nights that turn big. I love it all.
The cruelest thing 2020 has taken from us, unarguably, is parties. I’m worried that if I don’t practice my party chat I might be a bit rusty when we’re allowed to gather again. So here is a list of things I would have said at a party this year but didn’t, for practice.
“Oh babes, babes….. you deserve so much better than him, look at you you’re so beautiful, oh no don’t cry your make up off. Get out there and show him what he’s missing, you’re an angel baby goddess and we all love you”
— to the random drunk girl in the bathroom who is probably called Miffy
“no…yeah… no, right…. yeah…. wow I guess… yeah, no…. right….”
— to the guy by the drinks table explaining bitcoin to me
“I mean sure anarchism is the way and I do think a lot of what XR are doing is interesting, sorry where did you go to school again? Cambridge wasn’t it”
— you know the guy I’m talking about
“Oh my god we should absolutely get drinks at some point!!”
— to the person I hate and will absolutely not be getting drinks with
“….and you say that was the first time you ever said I love you?”
— in the group therapy session in the smoking area
“wow your work sounds so interesting!”
— to the person whos work does not sound interesting, but brought an extra bottle of wine that they are insisting I share
“I love you!! I’m so glad you’re here!! Give me a kiss!!”
— the dog at the party
